


Better together

by Shadowsof_thenight



Category: MCU, Marvel
Genre: F/M, PTSD, Sadness, Violence, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-28 00:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17172737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowsof_thenight/pseuds/Shadowsof_thenight
Summary: Three years ago he left. He walked out of Sarah's life and broke her heart in a million pieces. Now they are forced to work together again and she suddenly realises that three years did nothing to dull the pain, or her love.





	1. Part one

**Author's Note:**

> This was a story I wrote in one go and I am not sure if any of you will like it, but I know I loved writing it.  
> Please let me know!

**Three years ago**

Tears stream down her cheeks as she watched his retreating back. While she understood his reasons, she knew why he feels this in the best option, it hurt. More than she could possibly tell. She had pleaded with him, cried and screamed, wanting him to stay. Needing him to stay.  
Still he left.  
It took all her willpower to keep from running after him, to fall down before him and begging one more time. She knew it would not work. He would not be convinced and change his mind. 

Sarah was happy with the months she had gotten to share with Bucky, even though the ending broke her heart in a thousand pieces.  
Bucky never felt good enough, like he would never deserve her. And though she had tried her hardest, the feeling proved incessant, unwavering. 

After four beautiful months filled with love, lust and happiness, he drew back. Nightmares once more taking over his nights. Sarah had tried to comfort him. Tried to sooth his fears. And for a moment it had seemed to work, until two days ago, when it all had changed. 

As Bucky got caught up in another one of his nightmares, Sarah had scooted closer, wrapping her arms around him as she did most every night. However, this time it had triggered something in him and he snapped. Snaking his hands around her slender neck and crushing it, or attempting too anyway. 

Sarah had tried to scream, she had hit him with her fists, kicked him with her legs. Trying to get him out of his trance, but nothing seemed to work. She had tried to grab her phone instead, wanting to call someone, anyone. As her hand reached for the phone on the night stand, he shook her, knocking the phone from the small table, falling tot he ground. It was followed closely by a lamp. 

Tears streamed from her eyes as she thought that these were her last moments. Her vision blurry and slowly darkening, hoping Bucky would remember how much she had loved him. Even then she could not be angry with him. She could not blame him. 

Thankfully for Sarah, Steve had heard the commotion from his room next door and barged in to pull Bucky off of her. Thank the heavens for his super soldier hearing.  
Steve had punched Bucky, until his grip on her neck slacked and Steve could pull him from her entirely. Sarah had gasped for air as Steve pulled her from the room and into the kitchen. He had opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of peas to put on the already forming bruises. She took them from his hand and he quickly went to grab her a glass of water. 

Tears were still streaming down her eyes as they stood in silence in the kitchen when she looked back to the bedroom. Bucky sat on the floor, leaning against the wall behind their bed. He was knocking his head into the wall, obviously still caught up in his trance. Sarah wasn't sure how long it took Bucky to snap out of it, but when he did he had been mortified by his actions. He had cried and screamed, he had punched hole in the wall as he was overcome with grief.  
He had spend many hours crying and apologizing. Begging forgiveness, which she easily granted. But somehow it had not been enough for him. He could not forgive himself at all. He hated himself for what he had done. 

And so with a final kiss he had announced his departure. Ending a relationship that had taken both of them by surprise. One that had invigorated Sarah, given her hope of a beautiful future. And now it was over. Gone.  
He was gone. 

She stood in the doorway for a long time, thinking of what she would do next, before turning around and grabbing a suitcase. 

**Present day**  


Sarah took a deep breath as the quinjet was bringing her ever closer to the person she had not seen in many years. Three to be exact. She was incredibly anxious about facing him again and she could feel the eyes of her current partner trained on her, which did not help in the slightest. 

Sarah snapped her head up to meet the eyes of Sharon with an icy glare. She could not handle her concern right now, it took up too much concentration to keep from falling apart. Sharon put up her hands defensively and moved to take a seat beside Sarah. 

“I'm not even sure if he is there” she offered, trying to give hope and to ease Sarah's nerves. Sharon carter was a very talented woman, capable of many things, lying through her teeth to her partner not being one of them. Sarah chuckled as she gave her friend a pointed look. 

“Sure, like he's be anywhere other than at Steve's side” Sarah grumbled and Sharon could only agree. One was never far from the other. Steve and Bucky had long ago proven to be a package deal.  
Everyone knew that. 

As happy as Sarah was to see Steve again, she dreaded facing his best friend. She had not seen either of them after Bucky had walked out the door of the room they shared in the compound in New York. The same compound they were now flying towards. 

After Sarah had picked up the pieces of her broken heart, she had packed her bags. She requested a short leave to visit family, and then she wanted to be assigned to a new team. She had known that she had to get away from there. If she stayed it would have likely cost her her insanity. And she really needed that intact as a senior field agent. 

Fury had teamed her up with the more grounded Sharon. A match made in heaven it turned out to be. Sharon's no nonsense attitude balanced well with Sarah's creative solutions during tense situations, it made for a very successful duo. 

Sharon had also been a great friend while Sarah attempted to piece herself back together. Which she seemingly had only just accomplished when the order came to go to New York, to the avengers compound. Steve had requested help. 

Sarah knew there was a compliment in there somewhere, that her team was chosen to help the avengers, but it was hard to bask in the glory. Since it also meant having to rip open old wounds. Wounds that had taken so very long to heal. 

Wiping her sweaty hands on her pants, Sarah rolled her shoulders as she tried to ease the tension in them. Another deep breath in, exhaled slowly and she pursed her lips.  
Time to put on her game face. It was only mere minutes before touchdown now. Sarah needed to mask her feelings. Nobody needed her as an emotional mess right now. She could release those after the mission was through. And she would.  
Upon realising just how much he still impacted her, Sarah had quickly realised that she needed closure. He would just have to give it to her. 

Once the mission was over and done with, she would just have to corner Bucky and force him to talk to her. He would have to tell her if he stopped loving her. When he had lost faith in them. Why he didn't think they could work through it together. She had loved him so much after only four months, how could he think that that love would not be enough? 

***

Bruised and battered Sarah hastily climbed back onto the jet. She was in pain and she was dead tired. She was also more than a little worried. 

The mission that they had been called in for had seemed to be a bust. And the group had been half way into their retreat when hostile agents had appeared out of nowhere, quickly surrounding them.  
The group had been vastly outnumbered, but had still won out in the end. Barely so though. They had gotten separated, many were wounded, Sarah included. But she wasn’t concerned with that right now. Sarah was busy checking others, applying first aid to anyone that needed it. Suddenly glad to have worked alongside doctor Helen Cho more than once. 

She put a splint on the leg of a very grumpy Natasha. Bandaged the badly burned arm of Sam and irrigated a wound on Clint's forehead; it would need stitches once they got back to the compound, but for now the small strips to pull the skin closed would have to do. As Sarah was moving on to check on Sharon, who seemed to be nursing a large head wound, Steve's screaming caught her attention. 

Sarah turned towards the ramp just in time to see him come running at them, Tony following close behind. Steve was carrying a large form on his back and Sarah quickly realised that it could only be Bucky, the final member of their team. 

For a heart stopping moment, Sarah thought he was dead, but as the trio finally climbed on the jet and Natasha was helped into the pilot seat by Clint, she noticed his chest was still moving. 

“What happened?” Sharon's voice was soft but demanding as she took control of the situation the best she could. She was wobbly on her legs and grabbed her head as if it would help with the pounding. It gave Sarah a moments reprieve to find her bearings.  
Steve gently put Bucky down on the floor of the jet and Sarah sprung into action, joined quickly by Clint. 

“We were almost out, when a sniper shot him” Steve explained as he fussed over his friend. Sarah quickly removed Bucky's shirt and protective gear, his torso now naked, scanning him for a bullet hole.

“Six times!” She exclaimed as she counted the entry wounds. Quickly her and Clint started working on stopping the bleeding, while telling Steve to check Bucky's legs for other wounds. 

“There are only five exit wounds,” Clint commented, “How long Nat?” 

“Thirty minutes,” Natasha called back, her voice deep and gruff with the pain she was obviously feeling. 

“I hope that's fast enough”Sarah muttered as she pressed on the wounds. There were too many wounds and not enough hands. Once Steve had checked the rest of Bucky's body, she ordered him to press his hands on one of the wounds, waited for him to do so before moving on to examine the rest. 

“He's losing a lot of blood” Steve's voice had lost it's authority as urgency and a hint of panic took over. Sarah looked up from her work and glanced at Steve. He was right to be worried. They were fighting the ticking of the clock with this. Bucky needed much more help than any of them could possibly give him, especially in this plane. None of them were trained for this. They only knew a little first aid. 

Thirty minutes had never seemed as long as it did right now, while they fought to keep Bucky alive.  
The colour was draining from his face and his skin was getting cold to the touch. They were all beginning to lose hope fast, when finally Natasha announced that they had to prepare for landing.  
Steve told Sarah and Clint to take a seat wile braced himself, so he could make the landing as smooth as possible for his severely injured friend.  
Sarah tried to argue with Steve, but upon seeing the look in his eyes, she knew it would be futile. She always had been able to read him relatively easy. 

As soon as the jet touched down, Natasha opened the ramp and a medical team rushed in with a gurney to place Bucky on. Once they did, they hurried off to the nearest surgery room. leaving the rest of the team behind struggling with the aftermath of this failed mission.


	2. Part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While they wait for Bucky to get out of surgery, Sarah has a lot of time to overthink her feelings for him.

Sarah stepped out of her room in the compound, after having taken a quick shower to wash away the grime and blood. The warm water cascading on her body had done nothing to ease the tension in her shoulders. She had not truly expected it too, with worry still etched in her mind. Relaxation was far from her mind.   
Quickly, she made her way back to the medical wing to see if Bucky was out of surgery, knowing full well that it wasn't likely, and to check on her other injured team-mates. 

Sharon had been diagnosed with a concussion and laid in a bed, hoping to sleep it off. Clint was stitched up and ready to go as she came his way. As was Sam, with his arm now fully (and properly) bandaged. Natasha however, was grounded for a good while with her broken leg. It wasn't a complex fracture, which was good. But it still would require weeks of healing, followed by weeks of physiotherapy before she would be back in the field. Safe to say her spirits reached an all time low. Not low enough to ask for updates on Bucky though. After promising to keep her updated, Sarah left. 

Steve wasn't hurt as badly, mere cuts and bruises, much like Sarah, and he was pacing the waiting room. Waiting for news on his oldest friend. Sarah braced herself as she approached him. He oozed worry and she knew he was not going to be patient or dulcet. She also knew he had every right to leave those characteristics at the door. Today more so than ever. 

“Anything?” Sarah wondered as she joined him, her voice quavering as she pondered Bucky's condition. 

“No!” Steve snapped at her angrily, then quickly turned to apologize, which Sarah brushed off. She knew how much Bucky meant to him, how much strain this situation must put on him. He would never have to explain himself about that or excuse his behaviour. She understood. When it came to Bucky, she understood better than anyone. Knowing this Steve didn't press his apology. 

A few minutes later Clint and Sam joined them, while Vision called in to announce the return of the second team. They were sent on what had turned out to be a wild goose chase and were all unharmed. They would arrive in a few hours. 

Steve knew the ambush had been planned and it was important to look into that, but all he could think of was Bucky. Which was why Tony had decided to revise all their Intel instead. Giving Steve a reprieve from his captain duties. 

Sarah dropped down in a chair and watched Steve pace in silence. No words were needed between the two. Sam took a place near Steve, watching him like a hawk, ready to step in if he needed it. While Clint sat down next to Sarah, hoping against hope he could sit with her and skip his debriefing. Tony would give them as much time as he could, Clint knew that-they all knew that. But he was only one man. 

Sarah felt Clint's gaze on her and met it, offering a small smile. She was fine. Or, at least, she would be. As soon as they would tell her that Bucky would be okay, that he was safe and out of the woods. He had to be right? He was a super soldier after all. He'd be able to beat six bullets to his torso...Right? 

Her hands were clammy and her breath was hitched as she became more restless with every minute that passed by. How long could this surgery possibly take?   
When the doctors finally came to give them an update, two hours later, it was to tell that he was now stable. However, he was not out of the woods yet. They would keep him sedated through the night, but they were hopeful that they would be able to reverse it in the morning. 

Steve had demanded to know why they kept him sedated. Bucky had enough tampering with his body. This felt like a violation of sorts. He'd sounded agitated and Sarah placed a hand on his arm, hoping to calm him down. She understood. However, she was sure the doctors knew what they were doing. Not just anyone was hired to be part of the avengers surgical team. 

The doctor had remained completely calm as he explained that keeping Bucky sedated was better for him right now. It would keep him calm and that would speed up his healing process. With his super soldier abilities, it might just give him the kick he needed. 

Once Steve had calmed, the doctor told them that in a few hours Dr. Helen Cho would fly in with the regeneration cradle, to help him speed up the healing process further. All in all, he just needed to get through the next few hours. Four tops, he'd said. 

***

Sarah frowned down at the pale frame of her former lover and wondered if four hours wasn't too long for him. Beads of sweat on his forehead showed that he was fighting something still. As she quickly pointed it out to the nurse in the room and she had her suspicions confirmed. 

“There was a poison on those bullets. Not enough to kill him, usually.” the nurse said, her voice sombre. 

And that last word was what scared Sarah more than anything, much more than she dared to admit. She could not voice her worries in front of Steve, she wasn't sure he could handle that. A healthy Bucky would have fought it off, like a simple virus, but the trajectory of the bullets had done quite a bit of harm and they had weakened him. Would Bucky be strong enough in this state? 

Fear churned her stomach and it made her nauseous and anxious. She needed him to get better. No matter what had happened between them, she still loved him with all she had. It didn't matter that three years had passed. She needed him to be well.   
Sarah wanted to be able to talk to him. She'd even settle for imagining his life from a distance, if that was what he wanted. She just needed him to make it out of this in one piece. 

She sat by his bed and held his cold flesh hand in her sweaty ones, brushing her thumbs gently across his skin. Eventually one of her hands moved to brush through his hair, where it was stuck to his sweaty forehead. 

“Please be okay” she whispered, leaning in so her lips were close to his ear, “I need you”. Tears fell from her eyes and onto his cheek, but she didn't bother wiping them off. She hardly even noticed them. She felt someone move to stand behind her and as that person placed a hand on her shoulders, giving them a squeeze, she sighed. Steve. He was right there with her, filled with despair of his own. 

“He will be okay” Steve said, his voice steady and determined. Sarah wondered if he was trying to convince her or himself. It didn't really matter. None of it mattered. Only Bucky. 

A little over three hours later Dr. Cho ran into the room with her team and Bucky was quickly rushed off to the chamber she had brought with her. Steve and Sarah stood in silence as they watched Bucky taken from the room. All they could do now was hope, hope that Dr. Cho had been on time.   
Steve wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close and she sighed. He needed reassurance as much as she did. 

***

Two days had passed since then and while Bucky was still unconscious, he was now back in a bed and out of the cradle. His vitals had been arrhythmic and they chose to keep him under sedation a little while longer. The cradle had done all it could and now it was up to him. The skin had seemed almost healed. The colour had returned to his frame and his breathing was calm. However, they were not certain what damage the poison had done. 

Today the doctors had decided to slowly dial back the sedation, effectively waking him. Once he was awake, they would be able to check his mental state, whether he still felt pain and if he could use all his muscles. Those were the lasts tests he needed to pass. If he did, then all he would need was time to recuperate. Steve was hopeful, while Sarah was still just scared. 

For hours, Sarah sat beside him again. Nodding off every now and again. Neither she nor Steve had slept since the mission and while he seemed no worse for wear, it was completely wearing Sarah down. Still, she could not find any rest. Hopefully, once he had woken up, she'd be able to sleep.   
She'd just nodded off a little, her head leaning against the wall near his headrest when Bucky began trashing wildly. 

His eyes were still closed and he grunted, pain evident on his features. Sarah knew instantly what was happening. Unconsciousness had left him, making room for sleep. Which in itself was a good sign. Even so, with sleep came the never ceasing nightmares that made him relive the worst days of his life.   
For a short moment Sarah was frozen in her seat, watching him struggle with his inner demons. She shook it off and sprung into action. She could hear hurried footsteps in the hall and knew Steve wasn't far out now. 

She stood from her chair and quickly climbed in the bed. Wrapping one arm around his waist and placing the hand of her other arm on his cheek, she began whispering softly. Telling him that she was there, that he was safe. Asking him to wake up. To open his beautiful eyes for her. That she was waiting on him, as was Steve. And that everything would be okay, once he woke up. 

It took nearly ten minutes of softly speaking to him, before his body lost it's restlessness and he calmed, nestled in her arms. Bucky hummed as he inhaled her scent, pulling her closer to him. He struggled a little with the restraints of his iv, as it pulled on his arm slightly. This prompted him to furrow his brows in confusion and pulled him to consciousness completely. 

His eyes slowly fluttered open, and a loud sigh came from Steve as he stood in the doorway. Relief washed over him and tears streamed down his cheeks. Though Sarah knew he was bursting at the seams to hug his friend, he stood in the doorway. Not evading the space they were in. Giving them a moment. Something she was more than grateful for. 

Bucky craned his neck to watch Steve, a small smile on his face, before slowly looking back at Sarah. His arms still held her close as the silence hung thick between them. For what felt like an eternity, they just stared at one another. Steve retreated from the room quietly and finally Sarah spoke. 

“I thought I'd lost you there for a minute”

She was trying to keep her tone light, but as tears threatened to spill from her eyes, she knew she had failed. His hand reached up to brush over her cheek and wipe at a stray tear. 

“I thought you'd be glad to be rid of me” he finally replied. His eyes searched Sarah's face for a confirmation of his fears, which he would not find. He only saw the tears now flowing freely as her brow creased. 

“I love you” she choked out, hoping he would hear the sincerity in her voice. She wasn't the one to walk away. She would have stayed with him forever, if he had let her. 

“After all I put you through?” confusion obvious on his features. 

“Forever” Sarah leaned forward and cautiously her lips grazed over his. She would never stop loving him, she knew that much. Three years apart had proven that for her. She just didn't know if he would still love her. But, he was alive and that was all that mattered now. 

“I nearly killed you” the pain was evident in his eyes. Three years had done nothing to dull that. Pulling back from her, he scooted to the edge of the bed. The hurt now clear in her eyes as she watched him. He apparently didn't care much for his current state as he looked at her in agony. 

“Please stop” Sarah whispered, her hand reaching to him, not quite touching. Giving him a choice. 

“Stop what?” he didn't understand what she meant. 

“Running”, she sat up, looking down on him and placed her hand on his carefully, afraid he would pull away again,” you don't have to be alone.” 

“I nearly killed you”, he repeated, “The on person I love more than anything and I broke you” 

“you didn't break me. I am right here. And I think we can fight this together. You are not the first and you won't be the last to suffer from ptsd.” 

Bucky remained silent as he observed the woman before him. She was determined. No hesitation as she reached for him. 

“Bucky I love you” 

There were no certainties in life. Nothing set in stone. Sarah did not know what the future would bring them, she just knew she wanted to face it with Bucky. His hand reached up, found it's place in her neck and gently pulled her forward. His lips grazed hers and as tears streamed down her face again, she kissed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story in one sitting and did very little editing. Somehow it just worked as is. Hopefully you agreed and liked this little two parter.


End file.
